LOS ANGELES, CA – A new controversial vaccine has convicted pedophiles and “potential” pedophiles lined up at Walmart pharmacies across the country to receive their free ‘Pedophile Vaccine.’ In a clinical research study, researchers found that an existing drug known as Degarrelix, is capable of preventing pedophiles from abusing children.
Degarrelix is a hormone therapy drug, which is currently used in the treatment of prostate cancer. It blocks brain signals which stimulate the testicles to produce testosterone. The drug is administered by simply injecting it into the pedophile. According to health experts, testosterone is linked to high sexual arousal, diminished self-regulation and low empathy. The drug blocks receptors in the limbic system of the brain which promotes anger.
The drug has been approved by the FDA for this type of use and the government has issued a grant to pharmacies across the U.S. to inject these convicted felons, and potential predators, for free. The only thing you need to do is show up and provide proof of your conviction or express a deep concern that you may have uncontrollable urges that you would like to repress.
The free injection program began April 10, and as of today there have been over 150,000 predators injected with Degarrelix. Oddly enough, pharmacies have reported several law-abiding citizens who have been taken to the pharmacies by their wives who claim their husbands are “No good cheating bastards.” Unfortunately, this is not a qualification; they are not injecting unfaithful husbands with the vaccine. The vaccine will be available at pharmacies across the United States for free until 2018.