A 28 year old Arkansas man was hospitalized on Thursday when he entered the Arkansas Mercy Hospital with extreme lacerations and excessive anal bleeding. Tom Mortin was wheeled into the ER around 8:55am in a shopping cart on his hands and knees begging for help. His girlfriend Tina Wayward urged the nurses to help him for a “minor incident” they encountered during their morning love-making.
“We was just playing around,” Wayward said frantically as she began to describe what happened. “He said he liked it and he done it before with our baby boy’s Buzz Lightyear toy so I said okay. But them damn wings popped open once it was in and now we can’t get it out. Please help my man.”
According to reports, “them damn wings” were responsible for lodging the plastic toy in Mortin’s anus. Unable to “slide the toy back out,” doctors had to operate.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said ER Doctor William Truman. “We had to perform major surgery to retrieve the toy. Mr. Mortin required a 8 inch incision to remove the object along with 34 stitches. It’s safe to say he is recovering well, but will not be sitting in an upright position for quite awhile. And as for the toy, they might want to get little Timmy a new one.”
Doctors say Mortin will be released from the hospital tomorrow.